If Only
by MadHatter99
Summary: Charles visited Erik at his isolated cabin using astral projection and they reminisce about their life. X-Men Apocalypse inspired/related.


**If Only**

Charles visited Erik at his isolated cabin using astral projection and they reminisce about their life. X-Men Apocalypse inspired/related.

Note: Characters not mine and I haven't watch Apocalypse, so some things might not be in the flow of the movie. I will watch it this week, hopefully.

* * *

Amongst the dense forest, his cabin stands. Soft wind creaks through the wooden exterior, creating sounds as it passes through. He can hear the fire crackles, warming his bedroom as the temperature drops, while gentle rain drips on his roof. The trees rustle restlessly as rain slowly pours. Frogs sing their lullabies and their gentle song echoes against the rain.

In the middle of the night, Erik lays awake. Sitting on his chair with a bottled beer in his hand, he watches his wife sleeping peacefully. She breathes softly as the blankets rises slightly every time she inhales. The nightstand next to their bed illuminates her gentle features.

He takes a sip of his beer as he continues to watch her. His hands rough and chaffed from working at the factory, a proof of his new life. Ever since that day, he decides to leave his past behind, his _power_. The betrayal that he has cause, the faces that his friends made when they saw him, when he betrayed him _again_ , he no longer wants it.

Next to the bedroom, his young daughter sleeps quietly, unbothered by the sound of rain. Her entire existence still stumped him. Never he imagines he will have a family of his own after the war made him watched his mother died in front of him. Yet here he is, working like a normal human, having a family, and providing for them.

He scoffs and chuckles at what fate is doing to him. He gives up what he thinks is his destiny and fate decides to give him a sense of peace and happiness. _To live normally..._ Erik thinks deeply. To gives his new family what his parents can't.

Despite the sounds of rain, the night is peaceful. Drops of water slides through Erik's hand as he takes another sip of his beer. No longer cold, he is about to get up when he hears a voice calling his name.

"Erik." The voice echoed, saying his name.

Despite his confusion and quick questioning of his insanity, he recognizes this voice. This voice that is imprinted deeply in his memory, a voice from the past, a voice that he has betrayed.

"Hey there, old friends." Erik greets the newly arrived figure. Brown hair, blue eyes, and V-neck purple jumper, out of nothing, he emerges.

"Erik." Charles greets him. "Nice house." He adds.

"Nice trick." Erik replies as he notices his friend's slight transparency. "So this is some kind of astral projection?" He asks. Although unsure of the cause for Charles's presence in his house, he can at least assume that his old friend uses his powerful telepathic power to appear in front of him.

"Yes it is." Charles replies calmly as he studies Erik. The sound of rain now echoes louder as it poured more heavily.

"How did you find me?" Erik asks as he took another sip from his lukewarm beer. No longer interested in replacing his beer, part of him is afraid that if he moves, his old friend will disappear as well.

"Why do you ask a question that you know the answer of?" Charles replies with a big grin on his face. _Good to know his humor is still there,_ thinks Erik. He also secretly congratulates Hank for his Cerebro, the machine that amplifies Charles's power.

Erik watches, how Charles skips around the room, looking at the photographs on the wall, small mementos that he collects, _walking_ from one end to another.

"She's beautiful." Charles stops as he glances at the sleeping figure. "Never knew you have it in you." He adds, taking a jab at Erik's surprising marriage.

"Me too." He fully agrees. Just a moment ago, he can't believe the reality of having a family. "I also have a daughter." Is a sentence that makes Charles' eyes widen. He loves seeing that expression on his old friend.

In shock and defeat, Charles makes his way to the chair next to him, separated by a small table. "So how are you?" He asks as he takes his sit at the wooden chair.

 _How am I?_ Erik asks the same question inside his head. "No helmet, living in the middle of nowhere, working in a factory, raising a family… trying my hard not to use my power, leaving my past behind…" He pauses as he takes a deep breath. "I think I'm doing just fine."

He reassures himself, _just fine_. He has family, friends, people who knows nothing of his past, _just fine_.

He wonders though, "What took you so long?" He asks Charles. "I know, one way or another, you will come and find me but not this late. How long has it been? 10 years?"

Charles shrugs as he replies, "I remember I told someone once that I'm never getting inside of that head, again."

"And yet here you are." Erik replies, smiles on his face, teasing his old friend. "And did you not go inside my head that one time and uses my power."

"Only to fix the damage caused by someone particular." Charles counters with a smirk. They could go on, teasing, talking to each other, like the olden days.

As he watches the flames dances, its light reflects gently on his blue eyes, Charles continues, "I've been busy ever since that day. The school, the school that we've worked so hard for, is finally running again." He says. "Hank has been helping me with everything, fixing, upgrading the Cerebro. That too took a while." He adds as he focuses his attention to Erik, who also stares at him intensely.

"And _you_ didn't make it easy." Charles points out.

 _Yes_ , he agrees. He does not make it easy, evading from authority, finding a safe haven, he keeps moving to avoid being captured. Afraid that his friend will come and find him, and maybe turns him to the authority. Ultimately along the way, he also lost himself, his sense of self, and despair surrounds him until he meets her. He finds hope in the middle of nowhere.

The sight of her, shifting slightly in her sleep to make herself comfortable, brings smiles to him. _His family_ , Erik holds on to that hope. Charles too notices his feeling and feels satisfied.

"Want a beer?" Erik offers as he shakes his almost empty bottle. The liquid inside splashes wildly.

"Don't mind if I do." Charles replies as one bottle of beer appears miraculously at his grasp. Similar to how Charles emerges out of nothing. Erik then wonders how this little trick works that he can't resist asking. "Am I imagining you having a beer or you made me, force me, to imagine that you have a beer since you are, after all, is inside my head?"

Taking a mouthful from the 'out of nothing' beer, Charles shrugs as he replies, "A little bit of both most likely. I am inside your head after all."

"What a friend you are." Erik counters happily. He misses their little banter, their nightly conversation. He looks back sometime, at that time when they were still at that mansion, days of recruiting, nightly planning, a game of chess, discussing ideology. He never knows anyone as brilliant as Charles and since, never meets anyone as smart, as interesting, and powerful as Charles Xavier. _If only_ , he often thought of the incident at the beach, _if only_.

The wind grows stronger as heavy rain keeps pouring. Trees rustle restlessly against his cabin, glass windows rattle against the wind and the metal roof echoes the song of raindrops. Warm lights from the fireplace envelopes the room. Unsure on how to continue, they both stay silence for a while. The air feels heavy until Erik decides to break it with an apology.

"I'm sorry." Erik says. "I truly am." He repeats, as he looks straight at Charles' blue eyes.

"I've been foolish, hot headed most likely." He continues, "I'm sorry for betraying you."

Taking another sip of his drinks, Charles then bend slightly to the front, cold beer at his hand, he stares at the floor beneath him and replies,

"I've been searching. Ever since that incident, I've been searching." He pauses as he takes another sip of his beer. "Searching for that someone with that of power to bring us back to before." Slightly agitated, Charles continues, "I was naïve, at that beach, like a child I believe in goodness of the world." Charles scoffs at himself while he holds the beer close to his temple. "This thought, of me being stronger, more open, more decisive to prevent losing everything," Charles touches his leg. "It keeps on repeating inside my head."

 _If only_ , Charles thinks as well. _If only._

"If _he_ could travel back in time, if someone like _us_ has the power to control time, I will find him or her and travel back to change everything." Charles smiles as he turns to look at Erik.

"Did you find any?" Erik asks curiously.

Switching his glance, Charles finds himself looking at the ceiling above him. "I found…" Charles pauses slightly. "A lot of us. Scattered, afraid and hurt sometimes." Charles sighs deeply and continues, "I found someone who has a similar telepathic power as me, a teenage boy whose eyes can shoot laser, a girl in middle east who has the power to control weather, a superhuman strength man, and others with amazing, destructive powers." As he takes a deep breath, Charles' tone turns somber. "But no time master."

"And one that can heal your spine." Erik adds jokingly.

"Ha ha, very funny." Charles replies light heartedly. "But no. Unfortunately no. I've been looking using the Cerebro. Hoping that someone out there has the power to go back in time, to that moment at the beach and stop all of this from happening." He explains further. " Then maybe, just maybe, she – Raven - would have stay and," Charles pauses as he straighten his back and look straight at Erik. "And _you_ wouldn't leave as well."

Placing his now empty bottle on the floor, Erik gathers his thought, his eyes focuses on the sleeping figure in front of him. As Charles look at his friend's deep reflection, he quickly apologize, scare of putting too much burden on his friend. Although he has hope, he has accepted his fate of being confined in the wheelchair, of losing his adoptive sister, and his best friend.

"I'm sorry my friend," Charles tries to lighten the mood. "Didn't mean to reinforce anything, it's just that-" Before he can finishes his sentence, Erik cuts in.

"I also hope," Erik pauses slightly, taking a deep breath. "Deep down in my heart, that I can find someone like that. Once _he_ told me that it was me and you who sent him back to the past, I've been wondering whether I could go, back in time, to that camp before I lost it all." He pauses again as he reminisces the time he watches his mother died. "If only," He thinks again, "If only I could send myself back in time, at that moment, I would end it all. I kill Shaw there, at that room, where he forces me to display my power. I'll crush the soldiers who captured us, ripped opens gates and fences, saving everyone, my parents, friends, family, and then we would go back, to our house, living our life."

Charles stares at Erik as he pours his heart out. _If only_ , they both are gripping on impossible hope.

Silence fell between them again as rains slowly dwindling down. Sounds of crickets now joins the nightly song as it echoes through the forest. The warm fire crackled softly and is quietly dwindling down that forces Erik to stands up throw in some more log to the fire.

"Where is she now?" Breaking the silence, Erik asks a question as he pokes the fireplace.

"Raven? She's out there. Alone, but well." Charles replies with a tint of sadness. "I've been watching her, from a far." He pauses, thinking of his adoptive little sister. "I will not intrude anymore. That much I've learnt."

"That's great." Erik replies, satisfy with the fire and knowing that _she_ is doing well. Moving his way back to his seat, Erik finds himself looking at Charles and Charles look back at him with a soft smile.

"I've been sensing this ominous wind." Charles explains with his hands gripped tightly together. "Somewhere in the middle east, a storm is brewing." He looks away, staring at the darkness outside. "I'm just hoping it is merely a feeling instead of an omen."

The night grows still with only the sounds of crickets and frogs echo through the forest. No longer raining, the leftover water drips slowly on the roof and the sound of clock's ticking can be heard.

"I should go," Charles decides. "I can hear Hank calling me in a distant." He smiles as he finishes up his imaginary beer.

"I'll come again, if you want me too." Charles says and he looks at Erik with his blue eyes, asking for his permission.

"Bring me some nice whiskey next time. I know about your collection at the mansion." Erik replies light heartedly. "It'll be a waste if one of the kids took it or worse, breaks it!"

Delighted to hear his old friend making jokes, Charles counters him, "I'll bring the whiskey and you clean the chess set." He points to the board hidden from view, buried under mountains of books and trinkets.

Laughing, Erik agrees and promises that he will clean it up for the next time his friend comes to visit.

"Goodbye then, old friend." Erik says as he gazes over Charles.

"Goodbye Erik." Charles replies and vanishes as quickly as he appears, leaving the room to himself again.

A few weeks later, Erik loses everything again.

* * *

 **End.**

This is my first fic for non-Prince of Tennis. Wow.

I haven't actually watch Apocalypse as well, going to this weekend but this has been in my head ever since I saw the trailers and found out that Magneto/ Erik is living in isolation. I mean Charles must be looking for him and communicate with his way before Apocalypse. I ship then (I guess) but sometimes more on the platonic, friendship side.

Hope you like it and forgive me if some sentences might be badly written.


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